Blended Families

Divorce and separation is around us every day. Many families face the reality of having to start over and mesh their families together with other families and begin new lives. But what happens once the lady meets the fellow and they decide to create a great big bunch? Often when adults have children from previous relationships, families get put together like puzzle pieces, sometimes those pieces are forced together until they make a perfect fit. There are horror stories of families coming together as one, but in the words of the Grammy Award winning artist, Lauryn Hill, “it could all be so simple”. It can take time, effort, and patience but blended families are not uncommon and they can be healthy. 

What Does A Blended Family Look Like?

Here we see ways in which blended families can be brought together, a common disposition and understanding of what these scenarios can look like. No two situations are alike but this blog is dedicated to focus on solutions and tips and normalizing a healthy, blended family.

Let's Take It ALL The Way Back

Blended families are not something new. In the article above we see that the idea of different pieces of a family being welded together can be seen even in the Bible with the example of Abraham, Sarah and Hagar. A brief explanation of this family is that Abraham was married to Sarah. God had given them word that one day they would bear a child. Sarah was old, Abraham was old, Sarah was past the age of conception yet God sent an angel to tell them that they would have a child. Abraham held on to this hope for years on top of years and during that time, he grew impatient and saw the opportunity to have a child by Hagar, a much younger woman. After he had a child with her, years later, Sarah indeed had a child by Abraham and because they were still married, it was a matter of trying to figure out what this family would look like with a husband, wife, mistress, and two children with different mothers.

There was definitely some tension between the mothers, however in the end, effort, understanding and boundaries had to be put in place in order for this family to function. For goodness sake, there were children who needed to be taken care of and life to be lived.

Take a look at this video of a discussion of some common situations faced in a blended family. Some surface stuff that really brings up some ideas of what "blending" a family could look like. 

Take a quick look at this video just to get an idea of some of the things families can experience. The video is about 9 minutes long, however, start at 1:20 and end at 6:20.

Gary Sanders wrote an article on the issues of remarriage and included myths of blended families. In this article he states a common myth is that a blended family should mirror or duplicate the core, biological family. It would be detrimental to a family to try to recreate this. Blended families are unique and have a lot of character, and characters. It is up to you to figure out what works best. Here are some tips that can help with creating that truth. 

• Communication is KEY-in any relationship, marriage, friendship, acquaintance, there has to be understanding in order for peace to occur. People have to understand their boundaries, expectations and ideas in order for full cooperation and effor to occur. 
• Remember it is NOT about you-when children are involved, the adults really have to bite the bullet and put pride aside, put past hurts aside, and be willing in every area in order to raise healthy children. Like in the video, it is so very important for the child to see a united front on all sides.
• Be patient-as bland as this may seem, patience will take you a long way. No one person can expect to just fall into place and be accepted by the children involved. You have to show yourself trustworthy and to not be anxious to "replace" the parent no longer in the household. Your goal is not to be a replacement, it is to work cohesively to raise a family in a healthy environment. 

References

Gilliespie, Natalie N. Blended Families. Retrieved from http://www.focusonthefamily.com/lifechallenges/relationship-challenges/blended-families/blended-families

Sanders, G. L. (1984). Blended Families: Issues of Remarriage. Canadian Family Physician, 30, 1159–1166. Retrieved from http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2153957/?page=2

Zucker, David J, Reiss, Moshe. Winter 2009. Abraham, Sarah and Hagar as a Blended Family: Problems, Partings, and Possibilities. Women in Judaism: A Multidisciplinary Journal. Volume 6 Number 2. Retrieved from http://wjudaism.library.utoronto.ca/index.php/wjudaism/article/viewFile/12643/9527

That's SO irra!

The biggest thing that irritates me is when a person is so wrapped up into themselves and they don't take the time to listen to others. I despise people who are not humble and demonstrate that through being boastful, rude, close minded and self indulgent. Nothing is more irritating than a person who is closed to knowledge, wisdom or suggestion. In Proverbs 1:7, the Bible says that a fool despises wisdom.

GET OVER YOURSELF!

 

 

 

 

 

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